#I’m not even an immigrant bruh (I wish I am…)

[aqueeracademic]

morse being queer (and other commentary) pt 18:

season 5, episode 2, “Cartouche”:

- lmao morse code

- get it?

- anyways

- the way people used to just… smoke? in movie theaters? i fuckin wish

- oh my god morse…

- i am obsessed with this man.

- debryn greets morse by calling him “neyland smith” which is a character from the Fu-Manchu books

- he’s like the good guy

- who is a detective

- super random reference but i respect the idea that debryn reads mystery novels

- at the time debryn is referencing the character, the movies The Face of Fu Manchu, The Brides of Fu Manchu, The Vengeance of Fu Manchu, and (i think) The Blood of Fu Manchu were already out

- with The Castle of Fu Manchu on its way

- there were several films BEFORE the ones listed above, but those are most prevalent as they’re the ones released in the 1960s

- three different actors play neyland smith across these films

- one of the actors to play the character in the 60s was Nigel Green who was recognizable due to his size and handsome face

- the second actor to play him in the 60s was Douglas Wilmer, who was known for playing sherlock holmes

- the third and final actor to play the character in the 60s was Richard Greene, who was known for playing robin hood

- what’s FUNNY

- is that all of these actors were known for being good looking and did some modeling or played strapping characters in their time

- obviously debryn references the character because he’s a detective, as morse is

- but it’s also funny that he chose a character that is supposed to be like… really hot

- and it’s even better because morse laughs at the quip, meaning he understands the reference and appreciates it

- love to see it

- there we go, five minutes in and you’ve already had your history lesson!

- let’s move on

- trewlove is way to good for fancy but i gotta respect her for liking him

- i can see it

- morse just staring up at that dude changing the movie titles out

- no need to b watching the dudes ass my brother 😁

- “these people are british subjects. passport holders. we have a responsibility.”

- YES BRIGHT

- he’s old as god but he ain’t racist

- i respect it

- morse disliking horror movies is so…

- idk how i feel about that

- wait no

- i thought about it

- he’s a detective who deals with homicide for the most part

- so it adds up that he wouldn’t like horror

- morse asking debryn if he goes in for horror and debryn basically telling him no and then they just stand there looking at each other

- they literally work so well together i’m SICK

- they’re perfect your honor 🗣️🗣️

- also i like the idea that, if debryn had said yes, morse might have gotten him tickets to that horror showing

- we know they hang out outside of work so who’s to say they wouldn’t go see a movie?

- and i bet you morse would suffer through a horror film for debryn

- i’m just sayin 🤷‍♀️

- joan helping immigrants for work is so cool

- i love her so much

- racist bastards 😐

- morse is somehow so awkward w girls

- and yet

- hes a fucking rizz GOD

- how is he pulling a girl like THAT?

- i’m sick.

- strange housewife agenda ‼️

- i love strange and joan

- and i love the idea of them together

- and i love that he calls her “joanie”

- and i love them.

- how on earth is this thursdays brother?

- AYO?!!!!????????

- HE FUCKED THURSDAYS NIECE?????

- never recovering from that

- having an organ player at a movie theater is so strange to me

- how was that ever a thing

- fancy finally asking the real questions🙄

- moharram is lowkey….

- let me just 🤐

- “no slight was intended, doctor.” “with the british, it never is.”

- YOU GET THEIR IMPERIALISTIC ASSES

- [i love all u brits out there i just don’t love your museums]

- [in fairness i don’t like several american museums either]

- [oh well]

- bruh… no shot fancy got drunk during his investigation

- he’s so embarrassing im sick of this

- “the thing about mistakes is not to repeat them.” “is that what it was? a mistake?”

- like i said, his rizz is unlimited, but once he’s actually got with them he’s AWFULLLLL with women

- i can’t stand it

- PLEASE the way she stands there upset and he thinks there’s something wrong w the bridge

- he could not be more ignorant with women it’s wild

- “im a policeman. im allowed anywhere.”

- first off, no. 🤨

- my tv just turned off the entire episode so i guess it’s time for a brief intermission

- alr she’s working‼️

- idk what the fuck that movie is supposed to be about but i know it would have like a 2% on rotten tomatoes

- work moharram!

- stand up for what’s right 🗣️🗣️

- snapping at waiters is the biggest ick of ALL TIME

- it disgusts me to be honest

- who tf r u snapping at 🤨🤨🤨

- if the picture moharram has on his desk isn’t of himself then ima j assume he’s gay

- thursday just having a stroke over bright joining them at dinner is killing me

- this old man reminds me of mark rylance

- aka one of my favorite actors

- i think he’s supposed to represent henry fonda or some such actor tho

- this girl morse is on a date with is having the night of her fucking life

- good for her ‼️

- i stan carol im obsessed w her

- his face after she tells him it wasn’t a mistake 🥺🥺🥺

- he is so self deprecating i hate it

- the way this usher was super cool and respectable and then says something straight up racist so morse and thursday are both like 😧😮😐

- like sir???

- the way the shot they take of the roxy combines the pristine white front with the rugged and sketchy looking side and back

- nothing i love more than symbolism that’s completely on the nose

- the pigeon hitting the car 💀💀

- it’s not funny but goddam

- his brother asking for a loan is the worst thing to ever happen to me and it’s scarred in my brain forever

- UPDATE MOHARRAM IS NOT GAY AND THAT PICTURE WAS OF HIS SON I APOLOGIZE

- moharram is right and should be respected!

- solid apology from thursday there tbh

- PLEASE why did that extra covered in blood TERRIFY me just now

- i need to go to bed 😔

- the casual racism from this old man right now…

- i love that this kid being a movie buff is getting him off murder chargers

- fancy 🥺🥺

- finally stepping up to the plate

- obsessed w him

- what the fuck is goin on in this cafe on this day 🤨🤨🤨

- once again, why tf are doorknobs so HIGH UP in this country?????

- who tf thought a doorknob right next to your head would make sense?

- it should be down by your hand like a good american door 🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸🌎🏈💵💵🦅🦅🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

- joan and morse are so awkward i can’t handle it anymore

- morse showing strange how they spiked the orange juice and then just being like “i just killed you” 😜😜 is SO FUCKING FUNNY

- i always get so unreasonably nervous at these final standoff moments in this show

- like girl what r u afraid of???

- acting like i don’t already know what’s gonna happen 🤨

- all i can say is that i’m glad moharram is not the villain in this episode i would have been so damn mad

- the way he says “i was 19” 😧

- i’m so ill

- i hate war

- [certainly not an original statement but sure]

- he was obviously wrong to send them back into battle like that but he was a literal child and placed in charge of a unit like what did anyone think was gonna happen

- WOAH

- he just shot that dude no big deal that was crazy

- they’re all gonna die of smoke inhalation ☹️

- what on earth is gordon doing

- morse needs to get out of there asap

- why is he always a damsel in distress

- i don’t get it

- he’s just a lil guy 🥺

- [hes a middle aged white man with a pension and a drinking problem]

- brights office looks so different now than it did in season one

- im really not sure if it actually changed it just looks different

- “you’re the best of us, fred.” “the best of us never came home.”

- that was my final straw 😁

- “we are each of us, i think, keepers of the dead.”

- that line goes so hard i had to write it down

- everything goes dramatically downhill from here if im remembering correctly

- cant wait

[dcbutinamrev]

Suite Madame Blue as Vines

I made this instead of writing.

I used the characters I know so far and before things got ~rough~. I would make this into a video like I usually do, but it's currently almost 10:00 at night and I don't have the time for that. So, have it ✨written���instead. Characters belong to @peblezq

~~~

*rap music plays*

Laurens: No...no...no...turn it off...NO!

*Calling Apple this is Jamie can I-- *

Hamilton: To talk to a customer, please press one-

*beep*

Laurens *to Frances*: It's gonna eat you!

Frances: *panics*

Hamilton: Oh my God, Frances.

Frances: *panics*

Hamilton: Oh my God, Frances!

Frances: *screams*

Frances: ~Hey...I wanna be famous~

Margaret: Good evening-

Laurens: psst-

Frances: *wakes up annoyed* What-

Laurens: When we go into this restaurant, you are tweleve.

Frances: Dad, I am 18-

Waiter: Would you like a kids menu?

Frances: *sniffs* Yes I do-

Hamilton: Babe, can you unload the dishwasher?

Laurens: Now, does that sound something a man should be doing?

Hamilton: *drops pan*

Laurens: *ded*

*radio station voice* And now 24 hours of Christmas music

H. Laurens: ...Halloween was yesterday...

*radio station voice* CHRISTMAS- 🎶I don't want enough for Christmas- 🎶

Laurens: Story time! She never knew her dress had a whole...

Maggie: *looks at dress, panicking*

Laurens: Lotta style!

Maggie: Boy-

Hamilton: 🎶We, we are never ever ever getting back together!🎶 *to Laurens, whispering* because we are never breaking up-

Hamilton, Laurens, Frances, Diania: *dancing and vibing*

H. Laurens: I'll wait!

Hamilton, Laurens, Frances, Diania: *freezes*

H. Laurens: For my turn!

*joins in and vibes along*

Laurens: Boo!

Frances: *jumps and starts sobbing*

Laurens: Aw, come on, don't...don't cry, I'm sorry-

Laurens: What the falalalala lala la la-

Patsy: *pinches bridge of nose and tries to keep it cool*

H. Laurens: Why can't you be like your friends?!

Laurens: You know what Dad, shut up-

H. Laurens: ....Run...

Frances: *on her first....you know...*

Laurens: please help me-

Laurens: *does ballet spins and split in the snow after leaving that store in chapter 6*

Hamilton: So I'm just gonna have to stop picking up after you?!

Laurens: Your butt's the size of a peach!

Hamilton: THAT RING'S THE SIZE OF A PEACH-

Diana: ....I just want to go home...

Laurens *to anyone*: Don't talk to me...*sips coffee* please don't talk to me-

Hamilton: Wish I could go hang guys but I got to hit the books

Laurens and Frances: Aww...

Hamilton: *hits books with baseball bat* Okay let's hang!

All three: YAY!

H. Laurens: Jack, can you pass the turkey?

Laurens: I don't know...can you pass geometry?

H. Laurens: Get out of my house, I swear to god we're not doing that this year-

Hamilton: Does this coat make me look fat?

Laurens: You look fine.

Hamilton:

Frances: *runs*

Laurens: *ded*

Laurens: I thought you were bae, turns out you're just fam.

Hamilton: Bruh...

Laurens: *peace sign and walks out*

Hamilton: Can you get my quill out of my bag?

Laurens: *pales* *rummages through bag* where is...

Hamilton: *sigh* I'll get it myself...

Laurens: *pops out of bag with quill* I found it!

Frances: We ain't got no school! Where we goin' to SLEEEP-

Hamilton: *flipping through papers*

Frances: Papa?

*still flips through papers*

Frances: Papa?

*still flips through papers:

Frances *yanks papers and lays head in Hamilton's hand, stroking her hair*: Ahhhh....

Frances: Who's cooking the food for Thanksgiving?

Hamilton: I am.

Frances: No seriously, who's cooking it?

Hamilton: I am! I'm making it right now!

Frances: No, stop!

Hamilton: No, you're gonna eat this

Laurens: So back in Geneva, when me and my comrades...

Frances *laughs*: Shut up, Dad! You're so old and gay-

Hamilton *bursts through bathroom*: I miss you~

Laurens *jumps* What the hell babe?! I was in the bathroom for less than a minute!

Hamilton: So...TELL ME YOU MISS ME-

Laurens: Who ate my fries? Diana?

Diana: I don't like fries...

Laurens: Patsy?

Patsy: I don't like food...

Laurens: Frances?

Frances: It was Papa-

Hamilton: Yeah it was!

Laurens: *growls*

Laurens: *plays piano*

Frances: *sings and slams piano lid*

Laurens: *screams in agony*

Laurens *to H. Laurens*: *deep voice* What did you shove...in that turkey's butt

H. Laurens: Gonna be your head in a minute

Laurens *to Hamilton*: *deep voice* Are you ever gonna wash that?

Hamilton: *tosses Laurens's coat at him*

Frances: LeBron James, LeBron James, LeBron James, LeBron James, LeBron James, LeBron James...

Laurens: Toss me my keys!

Hamilton: *throws painting*

Laurens: I said my keys!

Hamilton: I thought you said a painting!

Laurens: Why the fuck would I say a painting?

Maggie: This kid's definietly on crack right now.

Frances: Yeah...! Yeah...! Yeah...! Yeah!

Frances: ...It's an avacado...thanks....

Frances: Mother trucker dude! That hurt like a butt cheek on a stick

Patsy: Watch your profanity!

Laurens: You got bae *flips off waistcoat* OR NAH-

Hamilton: Get to Del Taco! THey got a new thing called...Fresha...Fresha...FRESHAVACADO...FRESHAVACDO-

Laurens: *riding in carriage*

Hamilton: *eating something*

Laurens: *pulls on reigns*

Hamilton: *nearly chokes* LAURENS!

Hamilton: Frances, John, I'm a bout to whip *does the whip* up some dinner...nah, I'm just kiddin-

Laurens *entering Congress*: When I say slavery you say sorry! Slavery!

Congress: Sorry...

Laurens: It's okay guys...

Hamilton: Hurricane Katrinia? More like Hurrican Tortillias!

Hamilton: The Chesse of Truth...Immigrants...cause...cancer...

[piduai]

what do you like or dislike about living in japan? i'm half myself, and ive never really lived there, and i always wonder how hard it would be to navigate living and working there, as someone who is a foreigner to the system (sorry if this comes up as rude...)

i like how neat and organized and effective everything is, i like the clean streets, i like the trains that are always on time and how accessible the train system across the whole country is, i like the busy train stations, i like the blood orange of the torii gates, i like that people get into an orderly line when boarding a bus, i like the spotless condition in the free toilets in convenience stores and how they’re everywhere, i like that all bureaucratic processes are causal, i like that people in the service and other industries are never rude to you, i like the bidets, i like the pretty packaging on most things, i like that selling subpar goods is unheard of, i like the starbucks seasonals, i like that vending machines are everywhere, i like that everything comes with a very detailed and comprehensive how to use guide be it a product, a service, a process or a task, i like that i don’t feel unsafe on the streets, i like that people don’t smoke while walking, i like that there’s no littering, i like the orange trees, i like the amount of shops, places and activities you can go to, i like sakura in bloom, i like the view of the mountains in small towns, i like the pebble paved gardens by traditional houses, i like amazon prime, i like that everything has a designated place, i like the cafes with neatly arranged beige tables, i like that everyone keeps quiet on public transportation, i like that people who have been brought up in safety and economic security feel lax enough to leave their phones on the table when they go to use the bathroom, i like hydrangea blooming in june and manjusaka blooming in october, i like that nobody robs the passed out drunks on sunday mornings in the middle of shinjuku, i like the trust system of leaving 100 yen when you draw the omikuji, i like the amount of shiba dogs i see on the street and how their owners let me pet them, i like a lot of other stuff. when i say that i love japan i always think of small, trivial things in daily life rather than general big ones (which i like too!) like a big economy or a good infrastructure. i grew up in a post-soviet country in poverty and abuse where mcdonalds was a luxury, bribes were not only normal but expected and encouraged, people are aggressive, poor, unhappy, close-minded and suspicious, so it’s all a matter of comparison. a lot of the things that westerners may take for granted are marvelous to me. another thing is that i chose japan specifically because it’s a secluded island difficult to reach so i could escape my family and give them no opportunities to haunt me. they know nothing about my life and can not do anything to me while i’m here.

what i don’t like is mostly small things too. fruit is unreasonably expensive, the shift of going from, say, 100 yen for 1 kg of peaches to 500 yen for 1 peach still hits me hard, i love fruit and being unable to have it often greatly annoys me. a lot of foods that i consider staple are overpriced in general, cheese is expensive as fuck and tastes like shit, the milk is weird, the bread and the chocolate are absolutely disgusting, bruh THE PIZZA is both wildly overpriced AND tastes absolutely repulsive... i think it’s mostly food lol i do miss the cuisine from home and so did every single other foreigner i knew who stayed here for longer than 2 months. i think that no matter how much you love a foreign food you’ll always long for the stuff that you were eating your whole life, that’s just how humans are... what else. i don’t wanna talk about work culture, hierarchical law, cultural misogyny, nationalism, overwhelming amount of prostitution and pedophilia, those are heavy subjects that all require contextualizing. there are a lot of small things that annoy me i am sure but i prefer to just not focus on them so i forget about them unless i have to confront them. oh and the summer heat and humidity, summers in japan are fucking BRUTAL as all fuck.

immigration is a difficult process that requires sacrifice and putting up with certain things you don’t want to put up with regardless of the place. at the end of the day an immigrant will always be an outsider and a different kind of person, even if completely naturalized. i don’t know where you live, but if you were born in the global west and don’t need to go through the hardships of moving countries in order to chase a better life, i’d be counting my blessings. i’ll always be envious of people who were lucky enough to be born somewhere where the rest of the world wishes their children could move to.

also i don’t want to be discouraging but every single halfie i’ve met who has lived in the west expressed a desire to go back, like not a single exception. they like visiting but they definitely preferred their lives in europe/the us/oz. the experiences of complete foreigners and half-japanese people are very, very different. halfies always seem to be in a transcendent place, if they don’t look foreign enough they don’t get the automatic special treatment that the foreigners get, they’re judged more harshly if their japanese is lacking or they mess up at something, but they’re still considered _foreign_, not part of the whole, outsiders. on the other hand they can pass as locals and get the privileges that come with that. difficult situation. as i said i’ve never met one who would be like ‘actually i like life here much more’, they always wanted to go back. at the end of the day japan is very much a conservative, traditionalist, rigid, patriarchal society with a lot of corporate abuse, if you’re like me and grew up in the same climate this whole thing isn’t new, but if you’re a westerner and grew up used to your human dignity and rights being respected and having individual freedom, it can very much feel like a downgrade.

[retrorealeyes]

Here’s why I want my parents dead /hj

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE like I know hating your parents if they aren’t overtly abusive (and even if they are it’s only mildly) like bruh, tempted to list out my parents “abuse” here. also like bruh, i’m fine rn, i’ve just been hating them for a while

This isn’t fully everything ever, it’s just an overview and I don’t think it touches the main problems enough (also I don’t give a lot of examples because there’s too many and I don’t have the will to write em all,and i’ve still overviewing everything)

-never respect my wishes if it goes against theirs (e.x. please leave me alone, can i go outside?, can I leave and go upstairs?)

             this is a big one

-don’t respect my privacy (in weird ways too, like my dad opening the door to scare me when i’m changing) and making fun of it too

          plus in normal ways like reading my journals or never knocking no matter how many times i tell them to

-making fun of me on purpose to get me upset, even when i ask them to stop

-getting suddenly and violently angry (dad):

           often unreasonably and quickly

          my dad curses people out under his breath, as a sign he’s going to get violent

          has broken things, SUCH AS MY WHOLE ASS PHONE by throwing it on the ground does punch things, generally not people, e.x. walls, but not that hard. he has punched me

          DOES to people- slap, push (this one especially, just last week he did), throw, scratch

          is destructive to other’s property (e.x. ripping up THEIR papers)

          refuses to listen to suggestions like, in the future, trying to calm down, or writing out his anger instead or seeking therapy

          been like this towards me since i was 6-7 years old

          it can escalate from anything

          will degrade you and insult you, if you ever say anything back (even in a non-angry situation, will grow even angrier/get very angry)

          makes you feel awful

          can last for hours and never accomplishes anything apart from further degrading yourself

          if you don’t give the exact answer he wants, will get even angrier

             I’m obviously terrified of him

               Swears at me, except they censor me so much they could probably kill me if I ever swore so that exacerbates the fear of it

          after the fact continuosly denies it

-my dad also:

           always demands respect

          always plays the victim and complains about how we dislike him

          never admits his mistakes

          is awful to my little sister, randomly, even when she’s being perfectly fine

-my mother and father’s relationship

             they openly and mean to each other. they never display affection and joke about divorcing

             sometimes dad yells at mom for a while, it’s obvious he thinks he’s superior to her and belittles her intelligence

             they are sometimes violent, but not often, and not overtly, more violent towards objects than each other when fighting with each other

             they do get in fights often (see: my dad’s belief in his superiority)

-openess with them

             there is none. they constantly criticize any self expression, make all subjects taboo, get angry over nothing and overall make me terrified of talking to them, then get all sad about “why don’t you tell us“ but if I try to express anything, even if they don’t get angry, they’ll store it in their heads and then later keep using it against me. “You said we were bad parents, do you not want to eat our food?“ “You said you were unmotivated, you don’t even have a reason to be sad.“ (said in an challenging, mean way)

-my self esteem

-my dad, physically (TO BE CLEAR I don’t think my dad in any way in trying to do anything sexual, i’m just saying he never respects my boundaries and here are some things he thinks are “perfectly fine” that he does, also this might be a bit disconnected sounding, i’m just so tired

          commenting on my weight/appearance (mom too)

             commenting on what i’m wearing, especially teasing me if it’s something out of the usual, as if i’m not insecure enough already

             dictating what i wear if they don’t like what i’m wearing

             commenting (negatively) on my mom’s weight a lot (to be fair, they both joke about being old and him balding and a little about him being fat so this one isn’t as bad apart form the fact that i’m skinnier so he “jokes” a lot about how i’m like a skinnier version of her)

                fatso called the girl in the video

             forces me to hug and kiss him, often only giving my phone back or treats luke donuts if I kiss him, even if I’ve expressed i’m uncomfortable (just does this a lot and i hate it)

-the past

             have yelled for me for no reason since i was young

             i don’t remember ever liking my dad (wait, before 6 years of age i remember liking him and before I was 9 i remember not hating him at all times)

             i continously try to trust them again, then they break me

               they were never open with me and taught me to be ashamed of myself which led to bad social relations later, which i’m only now breaking out of

-confiscation and lack of trust

               always taking my stuff so i can’t rely on what they’ll black mail me with, no “excuse” is valid to keep it (ex. I want to communicate w/friends or I LITERALLY HAVE INSOMNIA AND CAN’T SLEEP WITHOUT LISTENING TO MUSIC); during my worst days, when I was really suicidal i remember not having my phone for a long time which led to me being left behind and further isolating myself which, y’know spiralled

               I can go on and on about how they never value my voice but i’m sort of running out of steam

               they also never trust my statements, always cast me as the cause-r of something (luckily they’re fair and don’t punish me for it if I insist I didn’t do it, but the fact i have to really advocate for my innocence and am constantly suspected just is not great, and even jokingly, i hate attention, their attention)

                 There’s more but i think i’m done for now

-constantly bother me (i know this is nitpicking, i’m just trying to get everything out, and some of these have more layers than i’m willing to express)

               intentionally sabotaging

               even if i ask them to go away

               try to annoy me when ever i see them, even if i’ve asked them not too, and really make me avoid everything even more (you have to go through where they usually are to get out and that means y’know what)

               singing

               yelling and stepping loudly (which makes me scared my dad is mad all the time)

               always teasing and judging

-mother dearest

               very aggressive

               VERY controlling

               generally boring

               always invades privacy, more of a nosy person, but, in a way, better than dad

               she can get violent too and screams but it’s less often but can get very intense sometimes, generally it’s more of taking away my stuff and telling me to give up (which, the telling me to give up, my dad does too)

-lack of independence

                THIS ONE IS HUGE. my parents are very controlling and so even a little freedom excites me and they use my lack of experience as a sword against me, and that makes it eve harder for me to do anything when I’m constantly fighting restrictions and my brains can’t distinguish bad restrictions from schoolwork restrictions

-shitty world view

               just a bad biased view of the world, i really don’t want to elaborate, beyond the general sense they deserve to be respected for being parents a conservative-type view, also don’t have basic sense of morality, as in sympathy, for everyone, and instead do the whole us|them thing with their politics, the only problem is that we’re immigrants which is why they vote democrat

-grandparents

                 are visiting, they are also unhygienic, to always be obeyed, generally judgemental, and intentionally old, and taking up both of my rooms, overall i don’t like any of them, my father’s mom is alright though

-generally shaming me

And otherwise everything is generally going to shit, my social life (though I saved it somewhat for ONE person), my mental/emotional health, my exercise, motivation for anything, just the way the house is set up, my grandparents are here, how i’m doing in school.

I should write the thesis and really flesh this out well but I’ll tell you what: ultimately my parents are selfish people who don’t consider me my own entity but more as themselves and my achievements combined. ANd even if you love me, which I don’t doubt, I don’t have to love you back, and that doesn’t excuse your shittiness, dad. I fucking hate you. (yes. i’m grateful for the money, house, generally not obviously abusive childhood, food, stuff, bed, phone, etc. you have provided, but that doesn’t cancel out your misdeeds, it just coexists next to it)

Like is it SO bad for me to blame SOME of my issues with them? BUT NO if I ever bring up how they did x so i did y. I did y ON PURPOSE to UPSET THEM and i can’t hold them accountable, i’m just blaming them, even if I’m genuinely trying to explain my issues the way I understand them.

idr if you can edit tumblr documents, and even if you can, i’m not going to, i’ll just add to this with comments, to preserve the integrity, not that anyone will or should read this, but i’ll probably come back to it

[yasbxxgie]

Like 98 percent of black people, I am not a Donald Trump fan and wish he had never been elected. I think we should make that clear. I despise everything from his Vienna-sausage-sized fingers to his ethnic cleansing political agenda. But since white people a majority of Caucasian voters selected him to be the commander in chief, I think of his presidency in the same way I think of the time my daughter begged me for a pet gerbil and tired of it after a few weeks.

And I think that, instead of doing what I did (I told her I’d return it to the pet store, but I just opened the cage in the backyard, where it was likely eaten by my dog, after which he came inside and threw up on the carpet, costing me $246.19 for a visit to the veterinarian, who told me, “He probably just ate something that upset his stomach”), America should have to keep our pet Trump for four years.

Here’s why we shouldn’t get rid of him:

1. White people will be furious.

Can you imagine how mad wypipo will be if we take down Nazi Elvis? Do you know how many “Make America Great Again” hats they’d have to throw away? Do you want to go to work with Kathy and hear how unfair it is that we allowed a Muslim to serve eight years, but a true Christian white man of God was taken down by the “deep state” liberal agenda?

And who’s gonna clean up all those brain remnants mixed with Pabst Blue Ribbon when Sean Hannity’s head explodes? How is America supposed to be great again without Trump? What are we supposed to tell our kids? (I don’t actually know what that means, but I know a staple of every white argument rests on what they are supposed to tell their kids.)

2. Mike Pence will be president.

The problem with impeaching White Supremacist George Washington is that he will be replaced by Mike Pence. Remember how we thought that killing Osama bin Laden would somehow weaken the terrorists, but instead we got a souped-up version of al-Qaida instead? Well, Pence is like Trump without a Twitter account.

If you look at Pence’s record, the only difference between the two is that Pence actually knows how to play the political game. The agenda at the White House wouldn’t change, but Pence has the political experience to actually carry it out.

In fact, many of Trump’s controversial pledges that pundits doubt will become law because of their unconstitutionality are derivatives of laws that Pence actually managed to get passed as governor of Indiana. Pence banned Syrian refugees long before Trump created his travel ban. Trump’s toothless “religious freedom” executive order actually became law in Indiana. Before Attorney General Jeff Sessions reinstated mandatory minimum sentences, Pence did it in Indiana as governor. Pence authored a bill to defund Planned Parenthood seven years ago. Trump thinks it’s OK to grab women “by the pussy,” but Pence actually tried to redefine rape as “forcible rape.”

Imagine all the crazy ideas running around in Trump’s pea brain.

Now imagine if there were someone who could make them all come true.

3. I’m still waiting on the Moscow pee video.

Look, if we impeach Trump before I get to see the video of him surrounded by Russian prostitutes emptying their bladders all over his bloated orange body, I’m fighting somebody.

I don’t even want to necessarily see the video; I just want it to be seen. I want the world to see it. The anticipation of it is the only thing getting me through this dumpster fire of a presidency. All I’m living for is that when Trump has passed on into the great beyond, every story, documentary and mention of the 45th president of the United States will have to say something about how he paid a few hundred rubles to be covered in Soviet urine.

4. The Republican Party.

Republicans stood behind Trump as their nominee, but now that they realize he is a sociopathic dictator who may be losing his marbles one by one, they want to stand up to him. The crazier he gets, the more the GOP calls him out.

Nah, bruh. Y’all created this mess. Own it.

Impeaching Trump would basically be giving a do-over to the party that was willing to do anything for power—including letting Great Value Hitler lead it. They are now trying to distance themselves from someone who embraces Russia’s election tampering and white supremacy.

I don’t want Trump impeached before he destroys the entire party. He’s doing an excellent job exposing conservative ideas as bullshit. We had to sit and listen to them hate on Obamacare for seven years, but when Trump took office, the entire country saw that the Republicans didn’t even have a plan. They talked about Mexicans and Muslims but have yet to pass comprehensive immigration reform.

During the Obama years, they hated so hard, but now, even with the House, the Senate and the presidency, they can’t get shit done. The Trump presidency is proving that they are just obstructionists devoid of ideas except how to keep themselves in power. I want him to stay until their national convention is nothing but South Carolina, NRA members and Ben Carson.

5. We might have to take some people back.

I’m not sure how it works, but if Trump is kicked out of office, does that mean we have to take Omarosa back? Will we have to allow Carson to crash the cookout? I’ve read the Constitution thoroughly, but there isn’t a clause about whether we are required to invite the people who sold us out for Orange-Sherbet Stalin to the cookout.

I’m not saying these people aren’t black, but I clearly remember trading Paris Dennard in the third round of the 2016 racial draft. I even recall the conversation:

The blacks: We’d like to offer you Paris Dennard, Stacey Dash and Jason Whitlock.

Wypipo: And who would you like in return? We are prepared to offer you Justin Bieber, Iggy Azalea and a Kardashian to be named later.

The blacks: [Long pause.] You know what? We good ...

... unless y’all want this gerbil.